just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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