My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
