Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
