So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
