there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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