I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review