there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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