awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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