We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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