I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
