I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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