i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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