Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
as a side note pls kill me
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
