TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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