I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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