yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
