I wish I only lived at night.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
