well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
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found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
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The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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