I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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