O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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