My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
