I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
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You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
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I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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