it was like his penis was on wheels.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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