Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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