I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
