Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
