Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
