my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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