My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
