For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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