you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
