if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
