you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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