I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
