wrigley field is MILF paradise
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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