Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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