farters have to be the big spoon...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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