I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Randomize
