At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
