I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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