Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
