i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
