I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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