She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
