I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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