my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I want to fling myself into the sun
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