grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
