Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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