Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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