hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
