I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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