You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
