why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Randomize
