True but thats because hes a fetus.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
