Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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