i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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