He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Holy shit dude........stairs
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
This toilet bowl is my home.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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